My friend’s observation stripped me bare.
“I can’t tell whether you enjoy writing or photography more.”
In that moment, I realized that I had been not just seen, but seen through.
“I’m scared of words these days,” I told her.
I think that’s why I haven’t posted anything here since the final week of 2017—a full seven months ago—a veritable lifetime in blog years.
That lapse surprises me, because I love to write.
Even more, the act of writing is how I figure out what I believe, how I make sense of the world.
Struggling to put thoughts into words, crafting word by word in search of that fleeting joy that comes when you get things just right—the thrill of trying to show someone what you saw or noticed—not so that they live your experience, but in the hopes that your story will open them to their story—that your description of the world will allow them to sense the world around them.
I love that about writing. And my questioner, also a lover of words, knew that about me. But she had noticed I was sharing photos lately, and not words.
“I feel as if you cracked the code,” I told her.
I had turned to photography because I needed a creative outlet, and I have come to enjoy looking at the world through the camera’s lens. But the main reason wasn’t just my new-found love of photography. No, it was the growing reality that words now scare me, because words no longer work the way they should.
It doesn’t matter these days whether you craft a perfect sentence and say exactly what you mean. Too many people determine what you will say based on who they think you are. Your actual words don’t matter to them.
If you’re an older white male…they know what you will say.
If you’re a conservative…they know what you will say.
If you’re part of the church…they know what you will say.
If you’ve left the church…well, you get the idea.
In that environment, words no longer matter.
We now pre-hear what someone says, whether they actually go on to speak those words or not. Your words are layered with meaning, and unless the ones who hear them are very careful listeners, there is no guarantee that the message you intend is the one they will hear.
This fear is ramped up even more when my words are spoken in my official capacity as a pastor. As God told the prophet Jeremiah, some words plant and others pluck out; some build and others destroy.
We preachers try not to think about it too often, but we live with the reality that there is always the chance that you will have to deal with the fallout your words create. That sort of comes with the territory.
What really gets me, though, is when I have to deal with the fallout of someone else’s words—especially their words about God.
I’ve been doing that a lot lately. Maybe you’ve noticed, but there are a lot of people speaking in the name of “Christian” whose words sound nothing like what the way of Jesus reflects.
They speak not of forgiveness…but of retribution.
They don’t reflect the struggle of how to love your enemy and pray for those who persecute you. No, they say, enemies are to be destroyed.
They don’t talk about the beauty of grace to make all people new—but rather they talk about their own goodness, their moral superiority, and you get the sense that they believe they have no need of a Savior.
And even it’s because people don’t listen carefully these days, I still have to spend my time cleaning up their words.
“That’s not what it means to be Christian,” I tell people.
“I know that’s what they say, but there are a bunch of people who don’t believe things that way.”
“No, Christians aren’t just judgmental, non-thinking bullies who insist on getting their way.”
I’m just cleaning up the words that others speak about God. And you have to do it too, I’m sure.
And I guess that’s why I plan to start writing again.
Because if the world needs anything from you, from me, it’s a true word in a world of lies, a healing word in a world of pain, a kind word in a world of anger, a word of hope in a world of despair.
Pictures of sunsets and deer and bears surely point to such things.
But while pictures are sometimes worth a thousand words, sometimes…well, sometimes you just need to write.
I like both your writing & pictures.
Thanks Bud
Good job John! You are an excellent writer so keep it going.
Susan
Thanks, Susan. I enjoy keeping up with you and would love to catch up some time!
Thanks, Bud. I appreciate your reading and reflecting, and you and Betty are wonderful to my parents–and us!
And to think I was just bragging on you this past Sunday in Sunday school after all these years. Thanks for reinforcing our common belief and my continued amazement at your insight and gift of expression
Wow! How cool to think about that. You’re going back almost 30 years! Still look back with gratitude for the congregation–and your family in particular. Thanks for sharing this blessing!
Thank you for your words. You have helped me to give more consideration to my words.
Thanks, Betsy. I can’t think of a better thing. Hope to see you on one of our trips to TN!
Yes. Sometimes you just need to write. I look forward to reading what you just need to write, John. And more photos, too.
Thanks, Ken. I sure am glad you have kept writing. You offer words the world needs! Thanks for your affirmation.
thank you John.
And thank you for all your wonderful prayers!
Your words & photos are bright spots in my days! Both are appreciated!
Michael
Thanks for this! It’s been great to re-connect with you in recent months!
Amen.
I saw you laughed at Beth’s puddle comment. But thanks for this anyway!
A world without John Leggett writing is not worth living in and as William Sloane Coffin once said at Union seminary ministers know that “a word is worth a thousand pictures!” Keep writing brother!
Thanks, Stewart. Your words are a real blessing. I love the Coffin quote. If I ever knew it, I had forgotten it!
I never know what you will say.
Is that a good thing or a bad thing? And about that puddle….
Without your words and a touch of nature through your camera lens, a week would stand still in time. I look forward to both.
Thanks, Helen. Your words are a gift to me, as are you!
Thank you for your words of wisdom as well as the photos you’ve shared. It’s a shame we have to clean up the words of others, to salvage the realness of the Christian faith from others who seek to remake into their own images of hatred and retribution. I’m glad to know you are up to the task and my prayers go with you.
Thanks, Linda. Glad you’re about that work too!
I smiled at your ending. Glad you are writing again!
Thanks, Matt. Your words always encourage me. You are a gift!
Refreshing to read your words here, John. I was in The Message this morning, in Romans 12, 13, 14, and 15 and as I was writing notes, the words: citizenship, peacemaking, belief, story, and government, were ones that came to mind, all related to what you share here…cleaning up others’ words. I, too, have avoided words for your same reasons, at least the written ones. In person around tables has been what’s brought more life to my bones recently, but there’s something deeper in me, physical words I know must be written, and it’s like a dam is breaking and I’m no longer allowed to hold them back. I pray we are both able to let them pour out in love. Peace.
Thanks for your affirmation and encouragement, Adrienne. And you have mine as well. It’s an interesting time, isn’t it?